


An Inch of Kindness

by Ventriloco



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Deaf Connor, Disability, Except he has that mouth to speech program that helps but not really, Gen, It became ConVin, Not really tbh, Uncertain happy end?, but well, it was not HankCon, self harm tw, suicide implication, this is my very first fanfiction so pls be nice to me, this started off as HankCon i swear, this was SUPPOSED to be HankCon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26530633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ventriloco/pseuds/Ventriloco
Summary: Gavin knew that androids didn't need to use the restroom, at least not for that long. Something wasn't adding up, and Connor was missing for hours.
Relationships: Connor & Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	An Inch of Kindness

**Author's Note:**

> My tags should explain most of what happened. I originally meant this to be more longer, but I couldn't maintain the same headspace till the next day, so I had to cut it short.

The path to greatness was not without naught. Connor lamented each passing day as the souls of those stricken with grief howled in his ears, yearning for his demise. 

Long were his days gone as the accursed Deviant Hunter, yet the fortitude with which his own kind revered him never left. Connor would often lay awake at night thinking – _thinking_ – about the possible scenarios that raced with reconstructions in his mind. He wandered around them, and his processor glided his way through, overclocking at times.

Today, he had resolved to walk past the red walls that covered his kind facade. He was doing better today. Better than the past few days. Better…

No.

Connor slowly peeled the skin off his white chassis in the bathroom, revealing the various lacerations across its surface. He traced his fingers across the uneven ridges, and viewer them in awe. The surface was in a desperate state of disrepair.

Dried thirium encrusted the crevices, and revealed peeks of the sparking electric circuitry underneath. Connor felt vulnerable with his skin exposed like this. His entire body felt bare. 

The skin around his face stayed, however. Connor felt frightened to expose that part of his body, as if he could see the lingering shadows of all those androids, he had caused to meet their ends, would erupt out of his plating. Like some sort of eldritch nightmare, and encircle him while they mocked his every action. 

Connor felt fear. 

Connor felt like screaming at nothingness each time the thought haunted him.

Connor felt like breaking down and crying. 

However, each time without fail, his throat became dry and raspy. Each time his modulator failed to bring out the high decibels. Each time he feared how Hank would feel towards him if he knew. 

Connor was scared to show Hank that he was weak. Weak and scared of the demons he had created. The rational side of his brain told him that Hank wouldn't judge him, however, no matter how much that side debated with him, he always believed that Hank would end up hating him for how imperfect he was. 

Without another passing thought, Connor fiddled with his pocket and quickly brought out a boxcutter, and started grazing his arm plate. 

Thirium dribbled out like marvelous blue beads across his pristine white 'skin', completely captivating him in the act. He tried pinching the edges to leak out more droplets until the vasculature around the region gave out. 

The pain felt relieving. 

So

So relieving. 

His plating felt tender and warm, as the coolant leaked. The feeling of cold beads across the overheating circuitry below created a phenomenal experience. He lover the difference between the temperatures, no matter how superficial it felt. 

Once the bleeding stopped, the glint in Connor's eyes left, and he resumed his handiwork once again, chasing after the fleeting moments of euphoria. Connor cut himself again. 

And again

And again

And again again.

** ________________________ **

ERROR **THIRIUM 30%** ** ⚠ **

He brushed away every notification that blared across his HUD. His thirium levels were dropping, and the damage to his body was increasing. But Connor ignored the warnings, and continued his work, without his concentration failing him in the slightest.

He could feel the area writhe in pain, he could feel the pleas of his error messages. He could tell his vision had begun clouding but he would not let go of his tool. 

At some point, Connor's systems began failing due to slow and painful decrease in thirium. The turning point that made him stop his act was when he was unable to see where he struck his knife.

** ________________________ **

ERROR **THIRIUM 10%** ** ⚠ **

That is when he noticed the loud static ringing in his ears. The noises around him had all nulled into a broken and lagging bleating sound that ruminated like a screech. 

Pain without sight held no meaning. 

Connor didn't like that. 

His vision was the last to fail.

He felt his joints lock as thirium failed to reach them. His thirium pump accelerated and overworked. The pipes connecting the limbs strained.

The feeling of pain began to intensify as the numbness left him. His vocal modulator strained and lagged, and his voice became a mix of agonized static, but no sound came out. 

He kept his mouth tightly shut while tears began swelling his optic his optic units.

He could faintly hear the banging across the stall door among all the noise. His aural units failed failed and barely registered anything. Connor wanted to quickly hide the boxcutter in his back pocket, but the creaking of his limbs delayed the process. His processor was overclocking again. The error messages were starting to crowd his vision. He felt overwhelmed. He was trembling. His grip was loosening. He

** __________________________________________________________ **

PLEASE HEAD TO NEAREST CYBER **LIFE** STORE FOR REPAIRS  ** ⚠ **

The door was forcefully opened, as Gavin entered the stall.

Connor was sitting on the seat, trembling and weeping. Gavin’s was absolutely pissed. The concerned but annoyed kind of pissed. His face quickly changed as soon as his eyes trailed towards the object in the hand of the android. Connor’s skin was covering up his act, but the blue stained clothes told different story.

His synthetic skin was translucent, and the glow of his scars diffused through it. Gavin could see everything. The smell of methanol reeked in the air. Instinctively, Connor pocketed the cutter and quickly scrubbed his tears from the back of his sleeve. The ringing in his ears never left him.

Gavin’s mouth stuttered on his words, trying to parse between different sentence starters. He watched the android struggle. Quickly, he held his arms gently around the younger man. Connor tried to break free from his grasp.

The alarms were overwhelming him. He felt awful. Even worse than when he was was alone cutting himself. He felt dizzy, and tired. He wanted to leave and hide. He wanted to escape. He didn’t want to be seen by Gavin of all people. No.

“Woah, hey, hey. Let’s stop using the cutter,” There was a strange kind of gentleness in his voice as Gavin softly directed his fingers to let go. Connor held onto the cutter instead. Gavin would have to struggle against that robotic strength if he had to break free the box cutter.

The razor could strike him in this case. Connor’s preconstruction program decided. Connor’s heart raced with each possibility that ended with Gavin being upset. He hated this. Hated this. Hated hated this this this this hated this hated.

The grasp was soft and warm. It felt sincere. Connor could feel that the man meant no harm. Connor feared his thirium regulator being targeted again. Connor was scared.

With his joints locked, he could barely manage a a probability that resulted in him escaping. He didn’t try. He let his legs fall limp.

“Connor? Connor!” Gavin’s cried were so hard to hear. His vision wasn’t doing so well. “Stay with me. Tell me, what are your thirium levels.” Connor stayed silent, prompting the other to repeat the question, this time more slowly. The noise noise was getting in the way. Like some sort of buzzing. It was annoying. It was overwhelming. It made his heart race. Connor wanted to isolate and shut off the aural unit, but it wasn’t working.

“Connor… Listen to me.” Gavin’s words were slow and kind. Connor’s head perked up weakly. He could feel himself loosing sensation in his arms. That was fine. The HUD informed him that his servos were damaged and needed recalibration and repair. That was also fine. The temperature sensor was damaged too. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. But even without it, his body felt cold. Cold and tired, and he could feel the warmth from Gavin’s body making up for it, as the detective’s arms slowly embraced Connor.

Gavin sat with him in the stall for as long as it took for his systems to cool off. It was maybe hours before he let go. Connor didn’t really have a good time frame. His internal clock had shut off at some point when the errors began. Why?

“I’m going to get you a few packets of thirium while you rest, okay.” Gavin threw a glance at razor, prompting the android to tighten his fist protectively.“I trust youto stay and wait. I will be back soon.” He got up and left the door ajar, leaving Connor by himself. Connor had to rely on his auto mouth to text program to decipher what he was saying.

Connor breathed a sigh of relief. He was finally alone. Away from what was scaring him. But why? Why did Gavin show him such kindness when they had never given each other a reason to?

Connor waited in the stall with his thoughts. He was alone. He was… supposed to be happy that he was alone. But he wasn’t. His body missed the warmth. From Gavin. He griped his knife knife knife, and an d tried to bring it close to his arm again. Gavin must’ve rolled the sleeves down while his systems were rebooting. He had no reason to. Connor felt his hands waver on the fabric.

His systems were still under cool down. Come to think of it, why did he feel pain? He had no sensors to register it. His hands hurt. His joints still refused to move. He felt his thoughts loop loop loop. The wounds on his arms were clearly visible.

He stared at them. He felt the pain mock him. The pain was awful. His sensors were going haywire, picking up every little bit of unfiltered information and heating up his body. His fan was whirring and his breathing had exponentially increased. The air around him had gotten warmer as time went on. He couldn’t initiate a scan under these conditions.

Time. What about time? Connor remembered Gavin went out to get him thirium. Gavin hadn’t come back. Another thought came. _What if Gavin was just bluffing him?_ Connor wondered if it was all a sick joke. He had been waiting for quite a long while. It was more like Gavin anyways. He didn’t seem like the type to give

Suddenly, Connor felt his seat vibrate. A miracle that he even detected it despite what state his systems were in. Connor looked up to see Gavin slamming the door open for the second time with packets of thirium on tow. He could see the ungraceful struggle the man did when two slipped out from the bunch.

Connor wanted to chuckle, but he didn’t. Not when the man he was so afraid of was helping him for the first time.

Gavin began talking again, that Connor knew, but among the static, and the fact that his mouth was obstructed between the Thirium packets, he couldn’t really tell what Gavin was talking about. Something about ‘find’. ‘problem’, ‘questions’, ‘level’. He was confused.

“I can’t hear you...” Connor’s words were slow and blotchy. He didn’t sound like himself.

“Oh.”

He saw the detective scratch his neck and drop the packets on the android’s lap. “What are your thirium levels?” The man pronounced slowly, but moved closer towards Connor’s face.

“They are at…” Connor looked away. Would Gavin laugh at him for this? Why was he even asking something so personal anyways? Connor didn’t say. Connor didn’t want him to know.

Gavin sat there and didn’t pry any further. Instead, he began ripping the seal and offered a bag to the android, hoping it would help. Connor felt odd. Odd and awkward. For the first time, he was drinking in a bathroom stall. He didn’t like it. He knew he needed it.

His thirium levels were dangerously low.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gavin asked. No. He didn’t want to share it. “Okay..” Gavin wasn’t good at this was he. Connor drank 3 bags in silence. He needed more, but did he really deserve them? He sat here alone with the most the unlikeliest person, and he watched him eat.

Was this how Hank felt every time he ate? It was uncomfortable. Maybe he should stop.

His thoughts were drifting everywhere now. Connor’s system demanded more thirium. He was barely cutting it for the required amount. He was barely functional. Just barely. That _should be enough, right?_ Functional. That’s what he was supposed to do. As long as no one has to spend money on his hours long maintenance.

Connor should be alright.

“Thank you, Gavin.” He got up. Ah the packets. Maybe he should. No. Someone else deserved them more. A lot more than him. Connor walked past the dumbfounded detective. The buzzing had gotten lesser. He could start to hear better now. That’s relieving. What good is a disabled android anyways. What good is he?

“Are you sure about this? You still look like you’re too stiff.” Connor’s hearing was better, but he was barely able to register what the man said. Just barely. He smiled as he nodded and left, leaving him alone in the toilet.

A few moments later, Gavin’s phone buzzed with a notification from an unknown number.

> Thank you for saving my life, Gavin.


End file.
